Have no idea why but feeling like a weakling now.

Perhaps I am not as strong as I would like to be, as happy as I thought I was, or as truthful to myself as I was. I told myself to stop beating myself up and to just carry on with life. I did my best. Despite the fake smiles and brainwashing, looking at them or the sheer thought of it still hurts. Maybe I am just not tough enough to deal with disappointment. Perhaps I should just accept my fate and not work hard towards it anymore. As much as I would like to deny it, my little mind doesn't seem that determine and brave.

After all, I am just nothing,
It's like raising the glass high up there, before releasing and watching it smash into tiny pieces. Some of the bits may cut your toe. And as much as you would like to ignore the pain, a part of you is still hurting. And you know from then on that you are no longer complete.

Frankly speaking, I miss you my friend.