A Letter to my son about Family
Posted by Liren

Dear Xu Heng 恤恒,

You are 10 days old today. As each day passes, you begin to feel more and more like a part of us; a part of our family. Of course, when we first met you, we weren’t quite sure how to feel or how to interact with you. But as each day passes, Papa and Mama start to understand you more. We begin to differentiate the soft cries for milk from the wailings when you are cold. We begin to be able to understand your needs, as communicated in your own way which only you can. We begin to experience you as family.
Xu Heng, there are many kinds of families. Ours is one. A mother, a father, and you, our son. Our type of family is kind of common, but Papa hesitates to teach you that this is ‘normal’. You see, in some families, there are grandmothers and grandfathers. Some like you are blessed with a great-grandmother still strong and healthy. In other families, there are sisters and brothers. In some, cousins are like siblings and aunts are like mummies. Some of us have godfathers, others have ‘Uncle Papa’ or ‘Auntie Mummy’; people who cared for us with great love despite not having blood ties with us.

At some point, perhaps when you go to school, you might hear of the term ‘single-parent family’. This term is sometimes, much to Papa’s pain, used to mean the same thing as ‘broken family’. But families with only one parent are not broken, they are merely different. Sometimes, things happen in life beyond one’s control, like illness, or accidents, or death, which is a part of life. Papa can say to you with 100% certainty, that our family will one day too be a ‘single-parent family’, because it is unlikely that both your Mama and I will be called home to be with the Lord at the exact same time. Even for one second, you will be in a family someday with only one parent. Does that make us broken? No, not if we love as hard as we can, cherish every moment we have, and remember the legacies of those who have gone before us. Maybe, Xu Heng, every family is a broken family because we are all broken people; our righteousness as rags before the Lord. But in His grace, He teaches us to love and redeems our hearts often in the love of those who sacrificed much for us. The route to wholeness for our brokenness is often found through the meandering challenges of our broken homes. Home is, and will always be to you, a place of grace.

‘Absent father’ is probably another term you will hear. Xu Heng, remember, fathers are absent for many different reasons. And it’s not always because they don’t love their family any more. Many, many men are willing to go through the pain of being separated from their wives and sons because they love them. Because they yearn to provide a better life. Some work far away from home, like the Uncle Gopal who washes Papa’s car every night who comes from India. Or the men who built the comfortable church you go to every Sunday to worship Jesus. Every one of them is an ‘absent father’, but not always for the absence of love. Some families don’t have mothers too, because their Mummies have gone to countries far away to take care of other people’s babies so that they can have money to feed their own and send them to school. There are many families without men and without women, but these are families too. Some daddies are not living far away from home, but their hearts are distant. They come home every night, but their hearts are left behind in their office cubicles. These kinds of ‘absent fathers’ bring a lot of pain to Papa, and I promise to try my best never to do that to you. I pray, you will not be like that too, when you become a daddy yourself.

In some families, Papa and Mama may look different. One might have lighter skin, and another one darker. That is because they come from different parts of the world, but have decided to spend their lives together. You see, adults make these choices because of this thing called love. It’s kinda hard to explain, but it grows each day that your Papa is married to your Mama. Perhaps when you experience it one day too, you will know what I mean. Remember to share with me, ya? In other families, their papa and mama’s might speak different languages, or believe in different gods, or like to eat different foods. Some of them never knew each other until their wedding day, others were introduced to each other by their parents. Some came together with blessings, others through much tribulation. But in the midst of it all, there is love.

And yes, love is the most important foundation of a family. Love is the glue that holds a family together: more than eating or praying together. As you can probably tell by now, there are really many, many different kinds of families. As many as there are different kinds of people. No family is perfect, neither is there such a thing as a ‘normal’ family. Every family is normal, and every family is abnormal. Remember: never look for whether a family is normal; but always look for love. Always love.

We love you.

With all my heart,
Papa.

http://becominghomesg.wordpress.com/2014/07/12/a-letter-to-my-son-about-family/

Not abnormal, just different.
And being further away doesn't mean that you love less.